Today was Maximus' two month checkup at the pediatrician. A day I have been dreading. I have been dreading it not because of his health- thankfully he is an extremely healthy and happy baby, which was confirmed today. No, I was dreading the appointment because I knew he would be getting his first round of vaccinations, and that would mean he would feel pain.
As we sat in the waiting room, I stared into those precious, unsuspecting eyes and returned the smile that came from his sweet little mouth. I knew that in a short while those same eyes would be filled with tears and that same mouth would be wide open and filled with the screams that naturally come from being in pain. By the time the nurse gave him the shot he was sound asleep in my arms. I didn't want to let him go. Tears filled my eyes as I laid him on the table, and held his tiny arms down. I wasn't tearing up because I thought he couldn't handle the pain- shots only hurt briefly and besides, my son is TOUGH! I was sad because I didn't want him to wonder why is my mommy doing this to me? Of course I knew I was doing it to protect him from deadly diseases and that the price of a few short seconds of pain was worth preventing the diseases, but HE didn't know that, and I had no way of telling him.
In that moment I compared my predicament to that of our heavenly Father. Every moment of every day He is watching as so many of his children suffer. He sees them cry out to Him to stop the pain, and yet He chooses to allow it. They beg for understanding but He knows their minds are too simple to comprehend how in His plan, this suffering leads to glory. I have always believed that God can use our pain to bless us, but until today I never realized how much it must grieve Him to see us in pain, despite knowing the ultimate good that will come of it.
This is not the first lesson Maximus has taught me about our Lord. I don't think I ever fully grasped how God could love me unconditionally until I met this little boy. I don't think there is anything he could do that would make me not love him. And I can finally take comfort in knowing that while I deserve to be despised for my sins, His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9) and He loves me anyway.
Additionally, when Maximus cries out in hunger, tiredness or because of a wet diaper I often think Why are you crying baby, don't you know by now that I will always provide for you and take care of you? Then I am reminded of Matthew 6:25-27 which reads “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" God has shown me over and over that He is in control and that He will always provide for me, yet I continue to have anxiety and fear when I am in need and do not know what to expect. I, like a little baby, need to learn to trust that my Father knows what is best and that He always provides.
Finally, Maximus helps me see, in a painfully honest way, just how big of a sacrifice the cross was. Jesus was God's son and he chose to give him up to be tortured and murdered, then watched as it all happened. He heard as Jesus asked Him to "take this cup from me (Luke 22:42)" and when he hung bleeding on the cross asking, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? (Matthew 27:46)." God allowed this brutal execution of His innocent son, all for a world of sinners who reject Him and curse His name over and over again. Could I ever sacrifice Maximus in this way? Of course not. So I understand now, just how great is the Father's love for us.
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