My Ohio Boy

 Dear Max,

   I am sitting at the airport in Columbus with you right now and acutely aware of how much joy you bring to my life. You and I just took a short 2 day trip to Ohio for my Grandma Hupp's 90th birthday. We arrived at 2am Friday morning and you were giddy. I am not sure what it is exactly but you just LOVE being in Ohio. We came in the fall so I have to admit the leaves are nice and Buckeye football is in the air. This is the time of year that I like Ohio pretty well too. But at this point you are pretty confident that you want to live here someday. You've talked about going to Ohio State but as of right now you are agreeable to going to University of Arizona in Flagstaff so that you are still in state but with more of the cold weather that you like. 

   The first day we were here we visited with grandma Dee and Nanny during the day and then drove to my Uncle Joe and Aunt Sue's house. On our way there you saw a field goal post and wanted to stop to play some football. So we stopped and played a little while. It was nice. It was beautiful out and the air was crisp. Neither of us could kick a field goal so we settled on punting it and running some routes together. 

   Yesterday was my grandma's birthday party and you were just so sweet with all of my family. You were the only one there your age but you kept yourself busy playing with the dogs and younger kids and talking with the adults. Everyone kept saying how mature you were. You make me proud all the time. 

   Driving to the airport we stopped and got some Chilli Cheese Burritos from Taco Bell and then dropped off the rental car. On the way to the terminal we were sitting on the shuttle and I had my arm around you. I envisioned being back here in 6 years dropping you off at college and felt a little panicked! But then I decided to just stay in the moment and be grateful to have you there in my arms, heading back home with me. You make my life better and you have ever since you were born.

I love you so much,

Mom

The Easter Bunny, the Birds and the Bees

 Maximus,

  A few weeks ago we had "the talk." You were wanting some "swaggy clothes" so we went shopping.  Side note- you and I have very different ideas of what is swaggy at this point in your life (see photo of the outfit you wanted to wear to your school Night of Excellence... in May... in Arizona!). Anyway, I let you sit in the front seat in the van, which you are still a little young for. I wanted to take the opportunity to talk to you about some pretty grown up things. First, I asked you if you believed in the Easter Bunny. You said 'yes' initially which I interpreted as your effort to tell me what you thought I wanted to hear. I said, "its ok if you don't" and you said that you have thought it was kind of a weird concept for a couple of years now. [Side note- it IS a weird and kind of creepy concept, haha]. Ultimately I told you that the Easter Bunny is not real but is something grown ups do to make the really important holiday of Easter fun for kids. 

With that out of the way I figured we might as well move right on to the sex talk. Since I am friends with the mom's of many of your friends I had caught wind that this information was becoming more readily available in 4th grade and I wanted to make sure you heard it from me or dad first. Dad was more than happy to yield to me on this one. I asked you if you know what sex is. You looked at me in shock. You answered honestly that you had an idea but didn't really know. So we talked about it. We talked about the good and the bad.  You were clearly a bit uncomfortable but you were very mature and had some pretty insightful questions about STDs and otherwise. I felt like the conversation went about as well as it could have and we ended with you knowing there was no question that was off limits if you ever wanted to talk more.

We didn't talk about Santa... I wasn't ready for that ;).

Just one more step of growing up. Every night when I tuck you in I still sing the Taylor Swift song to you, "Never Grow Up." I've done this for many years but now at the end I add, "but it's ok to grow up and I am happy I get to be a part of it."

I love you,

 Mom

4th Grade Field Trip and Mom/Max Ski Trip

 Hey buddy!

  I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how proud I am of you. A couple weeks ago I went with you on your 4th grade field trip with you as a chaperone. It was the first time in 2 years that you had a field trip because of the pandemic and I was one of the lucky few parents to get to go. 

 

We went to the AZ Museum of Natural History which was really cool because that was your favorite place as a little kid when you were obsessed with dinosaurs. We even had your 3rd birthday party there! And now as a big kid you have been very interested in learning about Native American tribes and culture.

  It was so fun for me to be able to observe you with your classmates and see how you all interacted. It was clear that everyone liked and respected you. You seem to be a leader among your friends. I was most impressedwith how you interacted with people who weren't your friends. You included kids who were being left out and you were respectful and inquisitive to the adults who were tasked with teaching groups of rowdy 4th graders about natural history. 

  On one occasion there was an old man teaching about something and he was clearly getting frustrated and irritable toward the kids. He kind of snapped which only seemed to make some of the kids act worse. But then you, noticing his frustration and having empathy for him, made it a point to ask some good, thoughtful questions and helped him to calm down. 

   I was so impressed and proud that day. Even when you are naughty or whiney or fight with your brother, I know you are a good good kid.

   Last week you and I took a quick trip up to Flagstaff and spent a day skiing. Just you and me. I loved it. I loved that you wanted to spend the time with me. We laughed a lot. Got a little panicked on the chair lift, and got better at skiing, considering we are both amateurs. We made a lot of great memories.

I love you bud.

Happy Birthday to Me!

 Maximus,

  Well I turned 38 this week. I can't believe I am already this old! As the phrase goes, "the days are long but the years are short." I can definitely relate to that, especially since you were born. 

  My birthday fell on a Thursday and my work always gives us our birthday off so I was off work. Unfortunately dad had a basketball camp in Colorado with his new team so he had to leave town. I didn't really have anything planned for my actual birthday day and I was a little bummed about it but it ended up being a nearly perfect day, because I got to spend it with you and Titus. 

  You both came in my room and woke me up around 6am. I didn't mind the early wake up call because we all just laid there and talked and laughed for awhile. We used to always do that but it doesn't happen as much now that you guys love to play video games in the mornings ;). At one point Titus whispered something to you and then shortly after you asked him to help you with something in the other room. 10 minutes late you came in with your signature "breakfast in bed" that you like to do on holidays for me. It was cute and you get so excited presenting it to me.

   The rest of the day was pretty laid back. I went to a favorite workout class, we spent a couple hours with the Dwiggins and then you me and Titus swam, played basketball and video games together until your swim meet. You got a 4th place and 8th place in your two races and I loved cheering you on. After we left you said, "hey mom thanks for being such a good cheerer for me." That made my day. I told you "Of course, I am your biggest fan!" And that is very true.

  I have been so proud of you taking on swim team. I signed you up just to try it but you were not very happy about it the first couple of weeks. Practice is every morning at 7am and it is hard work. You would get really nervous and sometimes want to quit halfway through practice, but you never did. You are slowly gaining in confidence. You are really athletic so most sports come naturally to you but this has been more challenging than others. Still you are pushing through it and doing awesome.

   I love you so much buddy. I am so proud and honored to be your mom. Thanks for making my birthday so special.

Turning 9 in 2020

 Dear Maximus,

  A lot has happened since I last wrote on this blog. Its 2020 and I believe this year will go down in history for sure. It is the year of Covid-19, the deadly virus that has spread throughout the world and led to subsequent quarantines, shut down of many businesses, working and schooling from home, mask mandates and a lot of fear. Our family has spent a lot of time together. You and Titus went on Spring break and never returned for the remainder of your school year. This was especially sad because you had Ms. Payne, the best teacher ever, and didn't get to finish the school year with her and see the baby chicks hatch in her room. You did get to watch a live feed though, so that was cool. Luckily we got a pool in April so we have been able to swim all summer. Sometimes you swim laps with me.  I have been working from home for the most part since March so anytime I had a break in my day I would run out for a quick hug from you and Titus. You were usually always playing basketball or video games while I was working. We started off the new school year from home but last week you were able to return to in-person learning. So far 3rd grade is going well for you.

2020 has also been a year of intense riots and protests regarding social justice issues, the police and the group "Black Lives Matter." There is a lot of political unrest. Many people hate Donald Trump. There was a group of people in Seattle who took over several city blocks called CHOP. The wild fires are some of the worst the country has ever seen. There was also an emergency of killer hornets out of Africa, and sewer rats in the US that can be up to 40lbs. There are a lot of horrible things to focus on in the news, which has made me want to focus on the joy you and Titus bring me even more. 

 Tomorrow you turn 9. I really can't believe it. In some ways your years flew by and I feel like I was just  here in this same spot in the living room with my hand on my belly feeling you kick. On the other hand, some of the memories of your infant and toddler years feel like a lifetime ago. I guess that is how it is when you love someone so much and have watched them grow. You have impacted my life unlike anything or anyone before you. You made my heart love in a whole new way. 

We got you a new bike and some pjs, a Phoenix Suns wallet and a silk pillow case (you wanted one so bad, haha) for your birthday. It was the first birthday where there were no toys. You almost never play with toys anymore. In fact, even Titus doesn't really play with them. It was a sad realization for me. I used to get frustrated by all the toys around the house and the seemingly endless amounts of cleaning up I was always doing. I dreaded the excess of toys after a holiday and the arduous task of finding a way to organize everything. Now, I no longer have those "problems" but I also no longer get to watch you sit and play toys in the little creative world of your sweet mind. Don't get me wrong, I have also been really enjoying this phase of your life. You and I went and played tennis together last weekend after getting some groceries and stuff for your birthday party. You picked up the tennis really quickly and we had a lot of fun laughing and talking together. You have also been a big help around the house and you are growing up tobe very kind and responsible. I always notice things about you that remind me of myself as a kid. It makes me feel really proud.

I love you. I hope you have a happy birthday, buddy.

 

Santa Claus

Maximus,


  It's December 2019. Last week we celebrated Thanksgiving and the next day we decorated our house for Christmas. We listened to Christmas music all weekend long. You love playing the song "Simply having a Wonderful Christmas Time" while having a fake snowball fight in our dining/living rooms. Your Elf on the Shelf "Geri" made her appearance. This year she had a baby with her. She and the Grudecki's elf "Zipper" got married last year and have a baby now :). You and Titus have been talking about them for weeks in anticipation of this time of year.  Christmas has always been myfavorite holiday but ever since you were born it has been a whole new level of special. Getting to see you and Titus experience the magic and excitement of Christmas brings me pure joy and I have tried my best to make it special every year.

  I have never questioned whether or not to "let you" believe in Santa Claus. Some parents feel it is "lying" to kids and advise against it. For me though, it was always so special as a kid to believe in Santa, so we have always promoted that in our house and you have always been so excited about Santa, believing whole-heartedly. As I have watched you mature so much in this past year I have realized that this may be your last year believing. While it makes me sad, I figured we would just make this year extra special (ex: Geri's baby) and start some new traditions (like making Christmas fudge which I used to do with my grandpa). I could tell you were starting to take a more practical look at the magical aspects of Christmas and you already stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy last year. I imagined we would have a conversation after Christmas and I would answer any questions you have about Santa.

  Unfortunately this past Saturday a couple of older kids told you that Santa isn't real. We didn't know the kids and they were kind of bratty from what I could tell. You came to me and told me what they said. You were really sad. I could tell you didn't want it to be true that Santa isn't real but you also found them compelling since they were older than you.   It was hard to know how to respond. I didn't want to lie but I also didn't think you were ready to stop believing, especially when it is so close to Christmas. I told you that a lot of older kids stop believing in the magic of Santa but that you don't have to. You seemed resolved with that answer but still sad. I have noticed that since they told you that you have been really intentional about getting into the Christmas spirit- asking to play Christmas music, getting excited about where Geri will be each morning, and asking to watch Christmas movies. I think, in a way, you also know that this is your last year believing and so you want to get the full experience of it.

I love you sweetheart. Here's to a great Christmas season 2019!

Mom

Mini Me

Dear Maximus,

   You turned 8 years old last month. That seems so old. I feel like just yesterday you were the perpetually happy, energetic 2 year old running into my room early in the morning yelling, "I'm AWAKE!" Now I often find myself looking at pictures of you and watching videos and being swept back to those joyful times in our life.
   These days are also joyful in their own way. You have gained so much independence and have really thrived in your school environment, making a lot of friends and becoming someone that a lot of kids look up to. You teach your brother things, you love learning and sharing facts and you have become a pretty great basketball player.
   Also the older you get, the more obvious it becomes to me that you are my mini-me. I think sometimes that comes to me in moments of frustration. Sometimes you do things that I get upset about and then when I really think about it, I realize it upsets me because it reminds me of something I do. Other times I realize it when I see the ways your emotions come out. You have a temper and so do I. You do not like being controlled and neither do I. It is important for you to feel connected and close to people and I can tell that even when you are upset with me, you long to be close to me. I can relate to all of that too. Even when I am angry with you, I have to fight back the urge to just reach out and hug you to make sure you know that my anger does not preclude or in anyway decrease my love for you. Sometimes you and I make special glances at each other because its like we both understand something that others don't, like we are thinking and feeling the same things at the same time. I love that and I look forward to seeing how it develops as you get older. My dad and I have that same thing. Sometimes we will crack up laughing at something that we both pickup on and no one else will have a clue. So maybe one day it will be you, me and Paps laughing together.
   I am sorry I don't write in here as often as I used to. I always want to put into words what I am feeling but lately I have been trying to live it out more than just saying or writing it. I hope that when you grow up you are able to recall always FEELING loved even more than hearing or reading that you are loved.
     XOXO,
Mommy