Maximus,
I love you so much. You are growing up so fast and I can't believe it. Right now you are obsessed with planets and the solar system. You can name all of the planets and dwarf planets from smallest to biggest and from distance to the sun. You wake up in the morning singing about planets. Every card or picture you draw is of the solar system (and very good, I might add). You even made the solar system out of pumpkins for your pumpkin decorating contest at school.
Planets aren't the only thing you are into though... you are also spiderman 50% of the time. You like to climb up our refrigerator, do handstands and kick off the wall, and where your spidey costume around all day shooting "webs" at us. It is so fun to watch you and see your innocence and zest for life.
Today was the coldest day of the season so far. You woke me up just before 5am because you had to go poop ;). Once I was up I decided to start getting ready for work. Even though our house was so cold from having the windows open last night, you decided to stay in our bathroom and sit on the cold tile floor so you could be close to me. I told you you could climb up in my bed or on the couch and keep warm but you insisted on being with me so there you sat with your ipad at 5am on the cold tile floor. It might not sound like a big thing but it was big to me. It made me feel very loved.
I love you so much my sweet boy. Everything about you is special.
-Mommy
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Giant Apology
Maximus,
I love you so much. You are growing up in so many ways. Just this past week you learned how to swim. It has been amazing. You had never done very well in water. Just two weeks ago you would cry whenever we would wash your hair in the bathtub and now you are able to swim across the pool, jump in and swim to the side, and get diving sticks from the bottom of the pool. You have been so brave and so excited about it. I love seeing you face your fears and gain confidence in yourself.
You start back to school in a couple of weeks. How are you already in your second year of preschool? I know I will cry again, but hopefully this year will be easier than last year :).
You continue to be such a sweet big brother to Titus. I am so grateful that he has you as a role model and big brother.

You are also a talker. Man are you a talker. You always have been, but for some reason lately it seems like you are talking 98% of your waking hours. And your favorite word? "Mom." Or more like "mom, mommy, mommy, MOMMMY, MOM!" I remember laughing at a commercial from a show called the Family Guy where the little boy did this over and over to his mom, only to say "hi," little did I know just how true that commercial was. Sometimes I get so frustrated with you for needing my constant attention. I literally cannot use the bathroom, read a piece of mail or finish a sentence when talking to daddy when you are awake because you always need my attention. Add your 18 month old little brother into the mix and 3 dogs who are always barking or scratching at the door, and I get a little crazy. Sometimes I take a "time out" where I go in my room for a few minutes to calm down. Sometimes I yell. But I always regret it when I realize that right now I am literally your best friend, and that's why you are always wanting me. Someday I will want that more than anything, so I need to appreciate it while I have it.
I hate to admit it, but I think sometimes I expect too much from you. You are very mature and wise for your age and so sometimes I lose track of how little you still are. And, ironically, I really want to keep you little as long as I can. But when I get stressed, I get easily frustrated, and sometimes I say things I don't mean.
Sometimes I ask you things like "what were you thinking?" ...and then I ask myself, "what are YOU thinking? He's only three." Sometimes I tuck you in at night and I leave your room feeling sad because I didn't get to play with you very much, or because I feel like I was too harsh on you when we did play. For example, a couple of nights ago I took you "scorpion hunting" at your request. It was late and I was stressed from work and things at home and I kept getting frustrated with you for stupid things like how you shined the blacklight on the wall. By the end of our little adventure, you seemed like you had lost interest and I was feeling guilty that I had ruined our special time together. Sometimes when I yell at you or when something like this happens, I apologize to you later. I don't expect you to understand, but I want you to know that even when I am mad, I still love you unconditionally. I want to teach you that even mommy makes mistakes and when I do I want to own up to it. Its amazing how forgiving and full of grace you are... Tonight I apologized to you and prayed to God that he will make me the mommy you deserve. Then you prayed to God and said, "and help me to be the best boy that my mommy deserves." Wow. I couldn't help but tear up at that one... but then only moments later you had me cracking up laughing again when you made some kind of joke. Its amazing how you do that to me.
So I guess this post is kind of a giant apology. I apologize for mistakes I have made so far and for mistakes I will make in the future. Please know that sometimes I overreact, or expect too much of you, or get justifiably mad when you do something wrong, but I still think the world of you. I still love you more than anything in the world.
I hope you and I are always close. Lately you have been saying things like "I just want to be with you forever," and "Even when I am a man, will you love me?" YES! YES! YES! I will always love you and I will always be with you.
XOXOX
MOMMY
You start back to school in a couple of weeks. How are you already in your second year of preschool? I know I will cry again, but hopefully this year will be easier than last year :).
You continue to be such a sweet big brother to Titus. I am so grateful that he has you as a role model and big brother.

You are also a talker. Man are you a talker. You always have been, but for some reason lately it seems like you are talking 98% of your waking hours. And your favorite word? "Mom." Or more like "mom, mommy, mommy, MOMMMY, MOM!" I remember laughing at a commercial from a show called the Family Guy where the little boy did this over and over to his mom, only to say "hi," little did I know just how true that commercial was. Sometimes I get so frustrated with you for needing my constant attention. I literally cannot use the bathroom, read a piece of mail or finish a sentence when talking to daddy when you are awake because you always need my attention. Add your 18 month old little brother into the mix and 3 dogs who are always barking or scratching at the door, and I get a little crazy. Sometimes I take a "time out" where I go in my room for a few minutes to calm down. Sometimes I yell. But I always regret it when I realize that right now I am literally your best friend, and that's why you are always wanting me. Someday I will want that more than anything, so I need to appreciate it while I have it.
I hate to admit it, but I think sometimes I expect too much from you. You are very mature and wise for your age and so sometimes I lose track of how little you still are. And, ironically, I really want to keep you little as long as I can. But when I get stressed, I get easily frustrated, and sometimes I say things I don't mean.
Sometimes I ask you things like "what were you thinking?" ...and then I ask myself, "what are YOU thinking? He's only three." Sometimes I tuck you in at night and I leave your room feeling sad because I didn't get to play with you very much, or because I feel like I was too harsh on you when we did play. For example, a couple of nights ago I took you "scorpion hunting" at your request. It was late and I was stressed from work and things at home and I kept getting frustrated with you for stupid things like how you shined the blacklight on the wall. By the end of our little adventure, you seemed like you had lost interest and I was feeling guilty that I had ruined our special time together. Sometimes when I yell at you or when something like this happens, I apologize to you later. I don't expect you to understand, but I want you to know that even when I am mad, I still love you unconditionally. I want to teach you that even mommy makes mistakes and when I do I want to own up to it. Its amazing how forgiving and full of grace you are... Tonight I apologized to you and prayed to God that he will make me the mommy you deserve. Then you prayed to God and said, "and help me to be the best boy that my mommy deserves." Wow. I couldn't help but tear up at that one... but then only moments later you had me cracking up laughing again when you made some kind of joke. Its amazing how you do that to me.
So I guess this post is kind of a giant apology. I apologize for mistakes I have made so far and for mistakes I will make in the future. Please know that sometimes I overreact, or expect too much of you, or get justifiably mad when you do something wrong, but I still think the world of you. I still love you more than anything in the world.
I hope you and I are always close. Lately you have been saying things like "I just want to be with you forever," and "Even when I am a man, will you love me?" YES! YES! YES! I will always love you and I will always be with you.
XOXOX
MOMMY
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Choo Choo Baby
Maximus,
You have been loving on your baby brother since before he was born. I absolutely love watching you with him. I don't know how it started but somehow you started showing your love for him by touching his cheek. When he was a newborn and you were 2 years old, everyone was a little nervous about it because you would stiffen your hand and grit your teeth and get an intense look on your face and then touch his cheek. Even though it looks kind of aggressive, you do it out of love and you are very gentle with him. You have continued to do that over the past year and it is so precious. We were at a birthday party the other day and you were having so much fun in the bounce house the whole night. Finally, you came to get a drink of water and as you ran back to the bounce house you stopped just to put your hand on Titus' face. Everyone at the party noticed and thought it was so sweet. Little did they know you do it all of the time. Usually when you do it you say "I just love you choo choo baby." I have no idea where you even got that nickname, but it is now what we call Titus. As he is growing up you are getting closer and closer. He watches everything you do and laughs because you are so funny. I am so glad he has you as his big brother role model.
I love you so much.
You have been loving on your baby brother since before he was born. I absolutely love watching you with him. I don't know how it started but somehow you started showing your love for him by touching his cheek. When he was a newborn and you were 2 years old, everyone was a little nervous about it because you would stiffen your hand and grit your teeth and get an intense look on your face and then touch his cheek. Even though it looks kind of aggressive, you do it out of love and you are very gentle with him. You have continued to do that over the past year and it is so precious. We were at a birthday party the other day and you were having so much fun in the bounce house the whole night. Finally, you came to get a drink of water and as you ran back to the bounce house you stopped just to put your hand on Titus' face. Everyone at the party noticed and thought it was so sweet. Little did they know you do it all of the time. Usually when you do it you say "I just love you choo choo baby." I have no idea where you even got that nickname, but it is now what we call Titus. As he is growing up you are getting closer and closer. He watches everything you do and laughs because you are so funny. I am so glad he has you as his big brother role model.
I love you so much.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
I Hope You Will Sing
My love,
From the day I found out I was pregnant with you I started singing all of the time. When you were born I put everything into a song and you loved it. When we drove in the car one of the only ways I could keep you from screaming was to sing the whole time. We sang songs every night before bed. Sometime after you turned 1 you started singing along with me. You would amaze us with your ability to memorize entire songs at such an early age. As you've grown, your love for music has continued to grow and it has been such a joy to me to be able to listen to you sing. Almost every night you turn your music on in your room and dance before bed. Then you listen to the rest of the CD while you sleep. Most nights at some point I hear you singing in your room through the monitor. Sometimes you sing worship songs, sometimes pop songs, sometimes kiddie songs. It is the sweetest sound and always makes me smile, even if it is at 2am!
I think you will always love music. It seems to be a part of you. I hope you will always sing. I hope that you will one day sing to your wife. I already pray for her now. She will be so incredibly blessed and I hope she will realize that. Most women will say that one of the most romantic things a guy can do for them is to sing. You have such a beautiful voice and I hope you will continue to always love blessing people with it.
Love always,
Mommy
From the day I found out I was pregnant with you I started singing all of the time. When you were born I put everything into a song and you loved it. When we drove in the car one of the only ways I could keep you from screaming was to sing the whole time. We sang songs every night before bed. Sometime after you turned 1 you started singing along with me. You would amaze us with your ability to memorize entire songs at such an early age. As you've grown, your love for music has continued to grow and it has been such a joy to me to be able to listen to you sing. Almost every night you turn your music on in your room and dance before bed. Then you listen to the rest of the CD while you sleep. Most nights at some point I hear you singing in your room through the monitor. Sometimes you sing worship songs, sometimes pop songs, sometimes kiddie songs. It is the sweetest sound and always makes me smile, even if it is at 2am!
I think you will always love music. It seems to be a part of you. I hope you will always sing. I hope that you will one day sing to your wife. I already pray for her now. She will be so incredibly blessed and I hope she will realize that. Most women will say that one of the most romantic things a guy can do for them is to sing. You have such a beautiful voice and I hope you will continue to always love blessing people with it.
Love always,
Mommy
Saturday, November 15, 2014
The Best Part of My Day
Maximus,
Lately I have been stressed. I literally feel like there are not enough hours in the day. From the moment I wake up, the hamster wheel in my mind starts going and I am listing all of the things I need to do before my feet even hit the ground. I have gotten a promotion at work that is exciting but is stretching me from a professional standpoint. I go to work and feel pressure in my chest all day as I try to balance my roles there. I put a smile on my face and try to act confident even though I often feel like crying because I am overwhelmed. Some days I feel disheartened because so many psychiatric patients don't get better. I feel frustrated by the employees that I am now managing who don't have the work ethic that I wish they had. I feel insecure that I am not doing things good enough to please my boss. I feel anxious, inadequate, vulnerable and exhausted.
Then I get off work. I drive home. I park the minivan in the garage and I come inside. Maximus, let me tell you, the BEST feeling in the world is when I walk in and you see me and yell "MOMMY" with a big smile on your face. Then little Titus looks up, smiles, and crawls over to me. Its like a dream coming home to such a sweet greeting. It makes me feel so strong, confident, joyful and peaceful.
Lately you have also been randomly looking at me and saying, "mommy, I love you," out of the blue. Its so genuine and personal when you do that and it makes me feel like all is right with the world. Those are the moments I live for. I love you so much my boy.
Love,
Mommy
Lately I have been stressed. I literally feel like there are not enough hours in the day. From the moment I wake up, the hamster wheel in my mind starts going and I am listing all of the things I need to do before my feet even hit the ground. I have gotten a promotion at work that is exciting but is stretching me from a professional standpoint. I go to work and feel pressure in my chest all day as I try to balance my roles there. I put a smile on my face and try to act confident even though I often feel like crying because I am overwhelmed. Some days I feel disheartened because so many psychiatric patients don't get better. I feel frustrated by the employees that I am now managing who don't have the work ethic that I wish they had. I feel insecure that I am not doing things good enough to please my boss. I feel anxious, inadequate, vulnerable and exhausted.
Then I get off work. I drive home. I park the minivan in the garage and I come inside. Maximus, let me tell you, the BEST feeling in the world is when I walk in and you see me and yell "MOMMY" with a big smile on your face. Then little Titus looks up, smiles, and crawls over to me. Its like a dream coming home to such a sweet greeting. It makes me feel so strong, confident, joyful and peaceful. Lately you have also been randomly looking at me and saying, "mommy, I love you," out of the blue. Its so genuine and personal when you do that and it makes me feel like all is right with the world. Those are the moments I live for. I love you so much my boy.
Love,
Mommy
Monday, September 15, 2014
I Don't Want to Grow Up...
Hi My Sweet Boy,
Tomorrow you turn 3. I can't hardly believe it. We celebrated this weekend and today I spent much of the day going through pictures of you from when you were first born. It seems like just yesterday and yet it seems like a lifetime has already passed. You have filled my every day with laughter and amusement. I remain baffled by how intuitive you are. You are a wise little soul. You say things and ask questions that I never imagined a 2 year old could know enough to ask. For example, tonight after I tucked you in and was walking out of your room, you asked me, "is Jesus God?" I didn't quite know what to say. I hardly understand the marvel that is the Trinity, let alone was I prepared to communicate that to a toddler.
This past year there has been so much change in our lives. Titus was born and you became a big brother. I have watched you transform into a kid from a baby. Tomorrow, in addition to turning three, you will be starting preschool. I will have to drop you off and kiss you goodbye and try to hold it together. I have been trying to prep myself for this milestone. I think you will do well. I hope you will join the class excitedly and not cry. At the same time, I hope that you will cling to me for a little bit and then turn and join your class but then look back at me before I leave.
You understand me very well and I am pretty sure you know just what to do and say to knowingly melt my heart. For example, a few weeks ago we shared a very special moment when I was tucking you into bed (I love that special time of the day... we usually laugh and pray and talk about your day and sing songs). I sang you the song "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift. Its one you know well because it is the song in the video I made you for your first birthday. Anyway, that night, I could tell you were really listening to the words, and when I was done singing you just looked at me and started crying and said "I don't want to grow up." I teared up and hugged you and told you that no matter what you will always be my baby. I felt so bad for making you sad with that song but I also loved the fact that you understood how sentimental this issue is. Since that night there have been several times that you look at me with a feigned sad face that hides an ornery grin and say in a dramatic voice, "I don't want to grow up," just because you know I love it when you say that. Of course I WANT you to grow up and be the strong, godly, outgoing, funny and brilliant man that I know you will be. I want to experience every moment along the way with you as my kid, then my teen, then my young man, then eventually the father of my grandbabies. But for now, I just wish I could freeze time, and keep you little.
Tomorrow is a big day for both of us baby. But its nighttime now and I need to go to sleep. I can't wait to wake up and see you in the morning!
Love,
Momma

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| Your 3rd Birthday Party |
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| Dinosaur Party! |
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| Roller Skates for this Big Boy! |
Tomorrow is a big day for both of us baby. But its nighttime now and I need to go to sleep. I can't wait to wake up and see you in the morning!
Love,
Momma

Thursday, July 3, 2014
DISNEYLAND
Maximus,
We just returned from the world famous happiest-place-on-earth Disneyland Resort for our first official family vacation and it was a trip that deserves a blog post so that you can relive it one day since you most likely won't remember it at all.
Last month I found out I was off work on my birthday and that I would have 5 days in a row to spend with my 3 boys. Since you are at the age where you are still free at Disney and daddy is off for summer, I thought it would be perfect timing to take you and Titus. So we threw this trip together in a matter of a couple of weeks.
Coming hot off the heels of a 10 day Ohio trip, you and your brother have been very much off schedule, we have all been sleep-deprived and you have been fed a steady diet of less than healthy food. This all was the perfect setup for a high intensity, quick 4 day trip to one of the busiest and most exciting places on earth. To add to the excitement, we have been building this trip with you up for the past three weeks.
The day we left was Father's Day. Daddy, Titus and I were all sleeping soundly in our room when you came running in and greeted us with the cutest/funniest wake up call ever... "TODAY WE ARE GOING TO DISNEYLAND! ...AND I WANT TO SHOW YOU I HAVE A FULL DIAPER (turns to the side)." Daddy and I cracked up laughing as we so often do because of you. Then we got the minivan packed up and we were on our way...
The next several hours were reminiscent of an old movie called "Griswold Family Vacation" that was a humorous film about the disasters that a family encountered trying to take a family trip.
The drive was only 6 hours but it felt like an eternity. Titus HATES his carseat and he let us know that for the majority of the drive. When I hear one of my babies crying I get anxious and snappy, so it wasn't long before I was in a really bad mood. You were pretty good just relaxing in your seat watching movies but you kept peeing in your pull-up which frustrated me because you have been potty trained for several months. Then we parked to go to the bathroom at a gas station and somehow 300 flies (exaggeration) got trapped inside our van and we spent the remainder of the drive trying to shoe them out.
Finally, we arrived at the Disneyland Hotel only about 1 hour later than we had planned. We checked in and got in our swimsuits and decided to spend the afternoon at the pool. But when we got to the pool you became very nervous and hesitant and refused to go on the slides (even the little one for babies) so we basically just waded around in the knee deep water for a couple of hours then went in and got ready for dinner.
Since it was Father's Day, we let daddy pick where we would go to eat. He decided on ESPN Zone and it seemed like a good fit because we could play games while we waited on our seat. However, while we were waiting you started to cry and complain of a tummy ache. We were playing air hockey and all of the sudden I saw what looked like a string of vomit coming out of your mouth. I sprinted over to you, picked you up and ran to the bathroom. You were crying by that point as I tried to convince you to throw up in the potty. You never did throw up and we chalked it up to a stomach ache from being over-hungry. Still, we didn't want to take any chances in case you were sick so we ended up getting food to go and eating in the hotel room and watching fireworks through the window.
The next morning you got a wake up call from Mickey Mouse. It was so cute. The phone startled you out of sleep and you started crying, but then when you heard Mickey's voice you jumped up and were so excited and said in your sleepy voice "ITS MICKEY! WE'VE GOT TO GET UP AND GO SEE HIM!" So Day 2 started.
It was overall a pretty good day. We went early to California Adventure Park for the extra hour that we got for staying at the park. We figured it was a good time to go on some of the more popular rides so we wouldn't have to wait in line. Unfortunately Titus was on a different schedule than the rest of us and ended up being hungry right at the start of our day and then having a meltdown and diaper blow out on the Ferris Wheel- our second ride of the day. We spent the rest of the day going on different rides and stopped briefly for a nap midday. By the end of the day you were quite exhausted and hungry. We made it to dinner at a pizza place in downtown Disney just in time for you to have a meltdown and Titus to have another diaper blowout. We cleaned him up and calmed you down and then you spilled your entire glass of water all over the table and floor. Daddy and I were basically just laughing at this point because nothing was going smoothly. Luckily we made it back to the hotel and everyone got a good night sleep in preparation for our next big day in Disneyland Park.
Day three went much smoother. It was my birthday and you made it very special. You and daddy gave me cards in the morning and later that morning you handed me a beautiful yellow leaf and told me it was for my birthday. It was so special and I plan to save it forever. You were happy all day and could often be seen singing your go-to song when you are excited "Baby baby oh," by Justin Bieber. You were still a bit timid to ride some of the rides (after waiting 50 mins in line you decided you didn't want to ride Peter Pan- you still did though). We had a great day. You rode a lot of rides and LOVED meeting Mickey Mouse. This was good considering the day before you were terrified of Sophia the First.
The day we went home we had breakfast with the characters. That was a special tradition we always did with my family when I was a kid and I wanted you to get to experience it too. Luckily we got to see a lot of characters- Mickey, Pluto, Daisy and -your favorite- Minnie. You had missed her at the park and so it was a big deal when you got to see her. She made over you a lot and the Daisy came over and they were both fighting over you. It was really cute and I could tell you loved having all of the attention.
Now we are home and you still talk about Disney all of the time. I can't wait to go back again!
We just returned from the world famous happiest-place-on-earth Disneyland Resort for our first official family vacation and it was a trip that deserves a blog post so that you can relive it one day since you most likely won't remember it at all.
Last month I found out I was off work on my birthday and that I would have 5 days in a row to spend with my 3 boys. Since you are at the age where you are still free at Disney and daddy is off for summer, I thought it would be perfect timing to take you and Titus. So we threw this trip together in a matter of a couple of weeks.
| On the way to Disneyland |
The day we left was Father's Day. Daddy, Titus and I were all sleeping soundly in our room when you came running in and greeted us with the cutest/funniest wake up call ever... "TODAY WE ARE GOING TO DISNEYLAND! ...AND I WANT TO SHOW YOU I HAVE A FULL DIAPER (turns to the side)." Daddy and I cracked up laughing as we so often do because of you. Then we got the minivan packed up and we were on our way...
The next several hours were reminiscent of an old movie called "Griswold Family Vacation" that was a humorous film about the disasters that a family encountered trying to take a family trip.
![]() |
| You at the pool where you met a friend. |
Since it was Father's Day, we let daddy pick where we would go to eat. He decided on ESPN Zone and it seemed like a good fit because we could play games while we waited on our seat. However, while we were waiting you started to cry and complain of a tummy ache. We were playing air hockey and all of the sudden I saw what looked like a string of vomit coming out of your mouth. I sprinted over to you, picked you up and ran to the bathroom. You were crying by that point as I tried to convince you to throw up in the potty. You never did throw up and we chalked it up to a stomach ache from being over-hungry. Still, we didn't want to take any chances in case you were sick so we ended up getting food to go and eating in the hotel room and watching fireworks through the window.
The next morning you got a wake up call from Mickey Mouse. It was so cute. The phone startled you out of sleep and you started crying, but then when you heard Mickey's voice you jumped up and were so excited and said in your sleepy voice "ITS MICKEY! WE'VE GOT TO GET UP AND GO SEE HIM!" So Day 2 started.
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| Diaper change on the Ferris Wheel |
It was overall a pretty good day. We went early to California Adventure Park for the extra hour that we got for staying at the park. We figured it was a good time to go on some of the more popular rides so we wouldn't have to wait in line. Unfortunately Titus was on a different schedule than the rest of us and ended up being hungry right at the start of our day and then having a meltdown and diaper blow out on the Ferris Wheel- our second ride of the day. We spent the rest of the day going on different rides and stopped briefly for a nap midday. By the end of the day you were quite exhausted and hungry. We made it to dinner at a pizza place in downtown Disney just in time for you to have a meltdown and Titus to have another diaper blowout. We cleaned him up and calmed you down and then you spilled your entire glass of water all over the table and floor. Daddy and I were basically just laughing at this point because nothing was going smoothly. Luckily we made it back to the hotel and everyone got a good night sleep in preparation for our next big day in Disneyland Park.| Meeting Sophia the First |
Day three went much smoother. It was my birthday and you made it very special. You and daddy gave me cards in the morning and later that morning you handed me a beautiful yellow leaf and told me it was for my birthday. It was so special and I plan to save it forever. You were happy all day and could often be seen singing your go-to song when you are excited "Baby baby oh," by Justin Bieber. You were still a bit timid to ride some of the rides (after waiting 50 mins in line you decided you didn't want to ride Peter Pan- you still did though). We had a great day. You rode a lot of rides and LOVED meeting Mickey Mouse. This was good considering the day before you were terrified of Sophia the First.Now we are home and you still talk about Disney all of the time. I can't wait to go back again!
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