Santa Claus

Maximus,


  It's December 2019. Last week we celebrated Thanksgiving and the next day we decorated our house for Christmas. We listened to Christmas music all weekend long. You love playing the song "Simply having a Wonderful Christmas Time" while having a fake snowball fight in our dining/living rooms. Your Elf on the Shelf "Geri" made her appearance. This year she had a baby with her. She and the Grudecki's elf "Zipper" got married last year and have a baby now :). You and Titus have been talking about them for weeks in anticipation of this time of year.  Christmas has always been myfavorite holiday but ever since you were born it has been a whole new level of special. Getting to see you and Titus experience the magic and excitement of Christmas brings me pure joy and I have tried my best to make it special every year.

  I have never questioned whether or not to "let you" believe in Santa Claus. Some parents feel it is "lying" to kids and advise against it. For me though, it was always so special as a kid to believe in Santa, so we have always promoted that in our house and you have always been so excited about Santa, believing whole-heartedly. As I have watched you mature so much in this past year I have realized that this may be your last year believing. While it makes me sad, I figured we would just make this year extra special (ex: Geri's baby) and start some new traditions (like making Christmas fudge which I used to do with my grandpa). I could tell you were starting to take a more practical look at the magical aspects of Christmas and you already stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy last year. I imagined we would have a conversation after Christmas and I would answer any questions you have about Santa.

  Unfortunately this past Saturday a couple of older kids told you that Santa isn't real. We didn't know the kids and they were kind of bratty from what I could tell. You came to me and told me what they said. You were really sad. I could tell you didn't want it to be true that Santa isn't real but you also found them compelling since they were older than you.   It was hard to know how to respond. I didn't want to lie but I also didn't think you were ready to stop believing, especially when it is so close to Christmas. I told you that a lot of older kids stop believing in the magic of Santa but that you don't have to. You seemed resolved with that answer but still sad. I have noticed that since they told you that you have been really intentional about getting into the Christmas spirit- asking to play Christmas music, getting excited about where Geri will be each morning, and asking to watch Christmas movies. I think, in a way, you also know that this is your last year believing and so you want to get the full experience of it.

I love you sweetheart. Here's to a great Christmas season 2019!

Mom

Mini Me

Dear Maximus,

   You turned 8 years old last month. That seems so old. I feel like just yesterday you were the perpetually happy, energetic 2 year old running into my room early in the morning yelling, "I'm AWAKE!" Now I often find myself looking at pictures of you and watching videos and being swept back to those joyful times in our life.
   These days are also joyful in their own way. You have gained so much independence and have really thrived in your school environment, making a lot of friends and becoming someone that a lot of kids look up to. You teach your brother things, you love learning and sharing facts and you have become a pretty great basketball player.
   Also the older you get, the more obvious it becomes to me that you are my mini-me. I think sometimes that comes to me in moments of frustration. Sometimes you do things that I get upset about and then when I really think about it, I realize it upsets me because it reminds me of something I do. Other times I realize it when I see the ways your emotions come out. You have a temper and so do I. You do not like being controlled and neither do I. It is important for you to feel connected and close to people and I can tell that even when you are upset with me, you long to be close to me. I can relate to all of that too. Even when I am angry with you, I have to fight back the urge to just reach out and hug you to make sure you know that my anger does not preclude or in anyway decrease my love for you. Sometimes you and I make special glances at each other because its like we both understand something that others don't, like we are thinking and feeling the same things at the same time. I love that and I look forward to seeing how it develops as you get older. My dad and I have that same thing. Sometimes we will crack up laughing at something that we both pickup on and no one else will have a clue. So maybe one day it will be you, me and Paps laughing together.
   I am sorry I don't write in here as often as I used to. I always want to put into words what I am feeling but lately I have been trying to live it out more than just saying or writing it. I hope that when you grow up you are able to recall always FEELING loved even more than hearing or reading that you are loved.
     XOXO,
Mommy