Two Years Between Posts

Buddy,

  The last post I typed up on here was two years ago. I can't believe I have let so much time go without writing to you. So much has happened in these two years and life has been so busy that I have had to let some things go but I wish I had been better about taking the time to write because there are things that you do and say that I want to remember forever.
   As I am writing this I am alone in a hotel in Las Vegas. I have a work conference here this weekend so I left you kids at home with dad and headed up here alone. Honestly, I have been really looking forward to the time alone. Lately I have felt very stressed and like I can't think clearly because there is always someone or something calling my name or needing something from me. When I get stressed I get irritable and sometimes mean. I have started telling everyone (including dad) that no one is allowed in the kitchen when I am cooking dinner because every time I am trying to cook, all of you kids come in over and over asking for snacks, complaining about what I am cooking, showing me your toys, etc. That also seems to be the time that all three dogs want to go outside one by one and then dad will come in and look over my shoulder asking about dinner. I get so overwhelmed that I yell at everyone and say "no one is allowed in the kitchen!" I always feel so guilty once I snap, and lately I have been snapping more.
   So I was looking forward to just relaxing on this trip. I brought a good book, am meeting a few friends for dinner and a show, and plan to get a lot of sleep at night. Sounds lovely. But of course as soon as I got here I started missing you all terribly. The reality is that you guys are my life, and no matter how chaotic it gets, I love my life. So when I am away from you, I don't feel complete.

James and Titus at Your 6th Birthday Party

You Love Your Little Hopey

   How do I sum up the last 2 years since my last post? Well for one, you now consider yourself to have 4 brothers and 2 sisters. Mariah never got to come live with us because she was moved to a home within her tribe. That was pretty devastating for all of us, but now she is adopted by the same family who has her big sisters which is a pretty cool ending to that story. After Mariah, Hope came into our home. You loved her from the first day. She had the best smile and was so happy. She came to us when she was 5 months old and lived with us for 10 months before being reunited with her mom. Again, that was so hard on our family, but we have been able to keep in touch with them a little bit and know that Hope is doing ok. We then had James live with us for 5 months. He was right in between you and Titus in age and you all got along pretty well. He was only with us for a couple of months before going to live with his brother and family friends. After James left, you, in all of your 6 year old wisdom, said, "I think our family should take a break from fostering for awhile." Dad and I agreed and could see that loving and losing these "siblings" was taking its toll on you and Titus. So we took several months off and instead put our focus into mentoring and supporting some teenage boys living at Canyon State Academy. These boys have troubled pasts that have led to them living in and going to school at this residential boys ranch near us. We started a ministry by getting people to attend their football games and started pairing teens up with supportive families. We were paired up with Jacob, who we eventually got very close with and now he is like part of the family even though he has moved out of CSA and back with his mom. He has really taken to you and Titus and I think you consider him a big brother in a lot of ways.

My Silly Boys

Christmas at the Cabin with Jacob

   Then last month we had Malachi move in. He is 4 months younger than Titus and has A LOT of energy. He was disrupted from his previous foster home and came to live with us while his siblings went to a different family. I think that is hard on him, but he has made some pretty amazing changes since living with us. His parents have even told us that they can't believe how much calmer and well behaved he is since living with us. We are expecting that he will reunite with his family this summer. At that time we may take a more longterm break from fostering. At least until you and Titus are older. I feel like so much of my time and focus goes into taking care of the other kids that it has taken away from you two. And you never seem to mind- you actually seem to benefit in many ways from loving and being a role model to these kids. But still, I don't want these precious years of your life to go by with me feeling like I am totally engaged.

   One way I tried to remedy that was to take a 1:1 vacation with you last month. We went to the beach, the San Diego Safari Zoo and Legoland. We had a lot of fun. You got to call all the shots. We laughed and played "track meet" on the beach, took walks, and saw a Cheetah Run at the zoo. (Also, on a 30 minute Safari Tram at the zoo you had to go potty really bad so you had to pee in a souvenir cup, haha). I surprised you with Legoland and we had a blast there too. I hope
you always remember that trip with joy and know how much I love you and love being close to you.

You and Colin with Mrs. Arnold

   Another important thing in the past two years has been you going to Kindergarten! You are doing great in school and were even tested and found to be gifted. I wasn't really surprised about that. I am looking forward to what your future has in store. You are such a special, blessed little boy and I couldn't be happier to be your mom.

I will try to be better about getting on here to write to you more regularly. I love you so much buddy.