Well at this point I am 7.5 months pregnant with your baby brother. As your daddy can attest to, this pregnancy has taken an emotional toll on me. Its something you will probably never really understand- even when your future wife is pregnant with your babies- but pregnancy really increases a woman's emotions. This pregnancy has been pretty bad with regards to that. I have found myself feeling anxious, sad and irritable more often than I ever did pre-pregnancy.
Regardless of how I am feeling, I have made it a point not to over-expose you to intense and fluctuating emotions, because I think that can make a child feel confused and vulnerable. So for the first two years of your life, I have worked hard to leave the room if I am about to cry or feeling particularly angry. That is, until two days ago.
It was Halloween night. I had to work, but I requested to leave an hour early so I could get home to get you dressed up in your Mickey Mouse costume and start this special night of memory-making with you and daddy. I had expectations of how that night would go.
However, as I have learned, expectations can often lead to disappointment. A lot went wrong that night and I became increasingly anxious. By the time we told our friends who had come over goodbye, you were in full tantrum mode, my phone had died and I had only gotten a few pictures of you, you hadn't eaten anything the whole night except a sucker and starbursts, the dogs had eaten your dinner right off the plate and I felt like we didn't get to make the precious memories I had hoped for. So, we waved off our friends, closed the door, and I broke down into a sob. I had been holding it back all night and couldn't seem to hold it in long enough to put you down and walk away. So, there we were, in our living room with me holding you while you cried and I start sobbing.
Maximus, the look on your face when this happened broke my heart. You stopped crying for a moment, looked at me with terror and grabbed my face with both of your little hands and said "Mommy calm down!" You started crying again and just kept trying to calm me down. You were so bothered by me crying and I felt so guilty for exposing you to that.
I will never forget that precious moment and I will try to never make you upset in that way again. You are so tender and sweet. I'm sorry I scared you my love. I adore you.
